250 Riverside

There, I've told quick versions of some of my most major landlord stories, all from Sebring Gardens. Now I take an anarchist's vacation by telling a relatively trivial landlord story: possibly my first landlord story: from when I was a graduate student, in the mid-1960s, in my first year of marriage. Hilary and I rented an apartment on Riverside Drive and 97^th Street. I had to pay two months rent in advance: one months rent plus one months rent as security. The security was supposed to be refundable upon moving out.

We moved in, time passed, we moved out: time to get our refund.

I located the landlords (two guys, brothers) in their "office" in the basement. (My apartment had been largely without sunlight, the landlords dwelt wholly without sunlight: the riverside apartments were nice, spacious; ours was not riverside.) I invited the landlords to inspect the place: right now, I'm leaving, Give me the refund. They stalled, said they'd mail it next month.

I forget the specifics, that's the pattern. I demanded, they stalled. While they stalled I decided that they were the type of businessmen who paid promptly upon lawsuit: I'd never get a check short of a court date. I decided I'd better stick it out, become a thorn in their side.

Finally, trembling with fury, the brothers wrote me a check.

I wouldn't bother with the story except for this delicious detail:
The smaller brother hid behind the larger brother, jumped up and down and said, "Let me at him, let me at him!" Then the larger brother took a turn, hiding behind the smaller brother.

I am 5'8". I weighed about 135 at the time, 140 at the most: booze belly and all. But: I'm an athlete, an acrobat: a skier, in shape (except for the belly) (and the booze). These brothers had the same pallor their relatives would have had at Auschwitz. The big one was maybe 5'6", the little one was maybe 5'3". I doubt that the big one went more than 120. So funny: these pale stump fungus Jews threatening pk (windburned and surnamed Knatz!) with violence!